A Return to Gratitude
I’ve been learning a lot about the antics of the mind. How it can take hold of a thought, true or not, and run wild with it. I’ve noticed how it can blur perceptions of reality and how you can miss things if you let it go on.
Earlier in my life, I struggled immensely with anxiety. I’d get anxious having to speak up in class, try new things, join a group, talk to new people, and so on. My mind would run crazy with made-up scenarios of how things might go or what I would say. My skin would get hot and flush bright red, my heart would race, and I’d feel like I wanted to jump out of my skin. This went away a bit as I got older.
It’s an interesting experience going from highly anxious to calmer. You notice a lot about your mind and the things it tends to convince you of. On the flip side, I’ve noticed the mind can also take hold of the good things, get overzealous, and focus a little too much on the end goal. So much so, you miss out on the now.
I find myself teetering between the two. I find myself anxious and worrying about whether things will come out right when I’m channeling. So much so, it takes me out of noticing anything at all about others. And then fluctuating to excitement about the future of where this is all going and getting lost in the dreams and hopes we have for it.
Reflecting on this, and talking with others, I’m seeing what I’m missing. I’ve taken some time to sit with it and think about all the groups we’ve held. All the issues we had in the beginning, and how well it’s going now. All the changes, growth, and excitement are shared with people who have joined us. And I think… wow.. I can’t believe I almost missed this! I’m so in a rush to make it bigger, I’ve forgotten to take it all in now. I love our smaller groups. Mingling and getting to know those who come to share the space with us. I’m so grateful to experience all the changes on a more intimate level.
So the message here is, quieting the mind and allowing for a return to gratitude. Take some time to look around. Taking time to feel and experience all that is. You might just miss the important small details if you don’t!
With love and gratitude,
Kaylah Dillon
